My life
I am being made today. I am very excited for being here. I was made into a bright and colorful piñata. I have been sitting around for days. Mama told me I was going to make many children very happy. It was inexplicable to me, then I heard Mama talking there was going to be a birthday party. I have never been to a birthday party before. I haven't been picked yet, I'm always in the back. A lady in a dress pick me today. When she took me home everything was decorated like me. I have never seen so many colors before can you imagine that. I was getting hanged, it made me scared. Then I heard the children playing and having fun. It calmed me down. I wanted to play to but I had no legs. Then the lady in the white dress said my name, piñata, I looked over and seen a herd of kids running towards me. I got scared. When I seen one of the little boys holding a stick. I knew that second my life was over.
You should go over your punctuation, a few sentences are missing commas and such. Also,with one of the sentences you used the word 'pick' when it should've been picked because the whole thing is in past tense. I like your story though!
ReplyDeleteYou used the wrong past tensed word for see it's suppose to be " When I SAW one of the little boys holding a stick." Overall it was a good story.
ReplyDeleteI liked how you changed the attitude of the piñata from excited to scared. This was a really good story and I would feel the same way if I was a piñata!
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